Thank God I took plenty pics and journaled diligently while going through my #TESTimony (Breast Cancer journey) in 2016. It allows me to look back at specific days to read about how I felt and why I felt the way I did; what procedures I had done on a particular day and even minute things like the weather and how it affected my mood ( i.e. I started chemo on a BRICK, snowy day and my bilateral mastectomy surgery was on the first official day of summer. little deets like this make me happy..i’m a weirdo, I know! LOL) 

On Super Bowl last year I wrote:

” 2/7/2016


Sooooo, I just got back home from watching the SuperBowl at Freeze’s crib. At first I didn’t wanna go cuz I honestly feel like sh*t and this damn port in my chest makes it so difficult to move and feel like a normal human being. But honestly, chemo starts tomm (AHHHH STILL CANT BELIEVE THIS F*CKERY) and I figured I might as well get some fun in before I can’t anymore. Although I had fun with Line Sister and Che as per usual, I felt like a complete outcast. Like a cancer patient. Why?? Because my body for the first time in 33 years does not feel like my own. Greeting bros I haven’t seen in a few months usually meant hugs, jokes and the normal ” where the hell you been De?” This time, my body was in pain and the hugs hurt. There were no jokes( well on my end anyway) and the question turned to ” what’s wrong De? Everything okay?” No one in the room (besides Che and Tam) knew about this wrong left turn my life had recently made and I for damn sure wasn’t going to reveal my secret at a SUPERBOWL party where BEYONCE was about to perform!!!!  I mumbled some bull sh*t like “I have a headache” to some and to others who I have a closer relationship with like Jeff  J. I said ” I’ll fill you in later”. As the game commenced, I became more and more awkward. I couldnt cheer or scream at the tv like everyone else. I couldn’t high five. I couldn’t even focus on Bey during her performance. Why?? Because I could feel this foreign object in my chest!! It feels like I am carrying around a small brick right below my collarbone. It looks like a small baby alien is trying to make its way out of my body and it hurts like all hell. And it will probably leave a disgusting scar on my body that will scream “hey look at me! the cancer girl!!” I really hate this damn port….” 

I went on and on in my journal about how uncomfortable I was with the port and I realize now that no superbowl will ever be the same for me again!  2 things struck a chord in me while reading my diary entry and I think it will help cancer patients and those affected  by cancer:

  1. Having cancer did NOT stop me from being me. :  Although I had some days and nights full of tears and “why me’s?”, I also had numerous good/great moments as well. I went to Reggae retro a few times ( yes! with my mask idcidcidc), partied on rooftops for my best friend/line sisters birthday, framily time at 170 and had romantic/ fun dates with bae. I say all this to say, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN. We all have misconceptions on what it means to be a ‘cancer patient’: all we hear about and see is pain, suffering, hair loss, weight loss/gain, etc. But Im here to say this is NOT all true! When life gives you lemons, you add some vodka to that sucka and get LIT!! ( OBVI cancer patient’s cant don’t this but you catch my drift)
  2. GOD IS FAITHFUL: Jeremiah 29: 11 says :”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. A year later, and I am CANCER FREE and about to head to another Super Bowl…this time, I can high-five, scream at the TV and shout/ jump for joy when my team scores…..#LookAtGod