I woke up this morning feeling EXTRA blessed and grateful; right after opening my eyes, thanking God for allowing me to do exactly that and going thru some unopened emails, I perused the photo gallery in my phone in hopes of finding a dope pic to post for #FlashBackFriday . I was looking for something cayute!! Something fly enough for me to hashtag something like #SlayDeSlay or #ImPoppin or #Aowww . Instead, I stumbled upon this picture taken EXACTLY 6 months ago today and began to cry. Tears of Joy. Tears of Gratefulness. I cried because I realized that I NEED God on my best days just as much as I NEED Him on my worst ( and the day this pic was taken was def one of the WORST days of my life)
You see, normally I would #SLAY on #SLAYDAY aka Chemo days. Before I began the chemotherapy regimen, I made it my mission to keep being the fashion-forward and positive minded woman I was. I was NOT going to allow chemo to take away my personality. I dressed to the nines to go to chemo treatments. Not only for myself, but I realized other patients were inspired by how I would carry myself. I was doing this for me but more importantly for others. But on THIS day, I was O V E R I T!!! I vividly remember physically feeling like sh*t( neuropathy was at an all time high, I had several mouth sores and the fatigue made me feel like I was walking around with bricks strapped to the bottom of my feet). I was overwhelmed emotionally ( HATED not being able to live a normal life and depressed that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror) and mentally was not in a good place at all. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to fight anymore. That smile was completely forced. I remember thinking ” Maybe God doesn’t love me otherwise why would He allow me to go thru this?!?!” I have another question now, ” why NOT me?!?” I know now that if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. point blank period.
<———–This is a pic of me today!!! Praising Him for who He is and not what for what He has done for me……
May I never forget that I NEED God on my best day as desperately as I do on my worst!